Pregnancy is such an amazing time. I loved knowing that there was a little life inside of me growing and could only imagine the new life and love I would have upon welcoming my own baby into the world. As exciting as it was, it was also at times equally as daunting. There are so many questions surrounding this time of life: What is it like to become a mother? What is it like to become a caretaker for a small baby? Will the baby (and I) both remain healthy during the pregnancy and delivery? And speaking of, what is delivery really like?
There is so much more to know than just what to put on a registry. When the baby shower is finished and the nursery set up, a mother's responsibilities never really ease up.
Spend more time researching and deciding your preferences than designing a nursery. This is important because truly, all you need for a newborn are a few outfits and a lot of diapers. Babies need mothers to nurture and care for them, not a perfectly designed reading nook in a room they might not sleep in for a year. Instead, focus on what type of labor and delivery experience you'd prefer, and what you'd like your postpartum experience to be like. Most women will suggest that you not worry about labor and delivery, and just "go with the flow" but in my opinion the more going with the flowing you do, the less empowered you will become as a mother. You will likely be tired, in pain, and overwhelmed during labor, so it really isn't optimal to make decisions under such duress. That's when other people's suggestions and opinions overtake your birth story.
The more you know about pregnancy and the labor and delivery process the better. I don't mean research everything and send yourself into a panic over every little possibility, but rather attend a birth class or a La Leche League meeting, watch Rikki Lake's documentary on birth here, read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth (my fave) and check out on blogs on the topic: Natural Mama has had 6 children and a variety of births (including at home, a cesarean, and a breech!) and her narratives are always informative. You can also read my empowering birth story here. The more you read about birth, the more normalized it will become to you. Try to seek out positive birth stories so that you can create a positive narrative surrounding birth, there is already so much fear surrounding a normal physical even in a woman's life, so it's best not to add to that natural inclination.
I once heard that birth isn't just the delivery of a baby, it's also the birth of a mother. The experience is also there for us as women to enter into the world of motherhood, so why can't we find joy and empowerment in it? Instead of dreading childbirth, wouldn't it be nice to view it as a special day where the little life you grew was brought into the world by your strength as a woman?
Once you have researched your options and figured out your ideal birth situation, it is a good idea to sit down and put that onto paper. I don't mean make a 2 page list of every detail, I also think that those sorts of birth plans set women up for disappointment. If your birth doesn't go exactly as how you wrote it, it will be disappointing to you as a new mom. Instead, check out this checklist and make note of what's ideal for you in each category. It will likely make you aware of what's really important to you as you go down the checklist, do you want to receive visitors right away or would you like some space? Do you have an opinion about circumciscion or who announces the gender of the baby? Or is it more important to you to focus on if you're allowed to move around the room or what the hospital offers in terms of pain management?
Beyond the birth, you should also plan for life after birthing a baby. This is something I didn't prepare for well, and I really regretted it. I went to a few information sessions about breastfeeding but didn't really know much else about it. I also was completely unaware of baby's sleep patterns during the newborn phase or even what time of comforts I would need to support my pelvis and vagina after delivery. These things made my time postpartum so much more difficult. After delivering a child you can expect to be exhausted, hormonal and overwhelmed with as much joy as there is angst. It can be a dauntint time, going from a woman to a mother, a role you can never truly prepare for. This job comes with the responsibility of caring for and considering another human's life and wellbeing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. The weight of that love is immense, it's beautiful and lovely, but it can also be hard and overwhelming. Add to that your own personal challenges and goals, potentially a job, a relationship with a partner/spouse and then other interpersonal relationships and friendships and it's a whole slew of responsibility and caring for others.
I've heard women describe their lives as juggling: one ball for work, another for a relationship, and another for their children. They say one of these balls inevitably drops, because there's no way for a woman to successfully focus on all three. But where is the woman in this equation to begin with? Is she even remotely a part of her own life, or just expected to consider work, family and her partner above herself?
I often find myself pulled in many directions: what does my spouse want to do, what is best for the children, what needs to be done in terms of work, what needs to be done at home? Do we have milk in the fridge? This list could go on and on, so it's no wonder why my fellow mothers find pleasure in the aisles of target while shopping for their family's needs. But there should be more to life than running errands alone, and I'll be damned if I don't find myself while searching for it.